Feasting at The Table - People Pleasers

I want to start by making this bold statement: Many of us are people pleasers and we don’t even know it. 

In fact, i will make an even bolder statement: all of us are people pleasers, to some extent.

At one point in our lives or another, we made conscious decisions to prioritize the needs, desires, and expectations of others over our own. 

Ok so as not to judge or categorise any one falsely, let me speak for myself.

I’ve had many an occasion where I have gone out of my way to make others happy without regard for my own well-being.

In general, individuals who are labelled as people pleasers do this all the time. Here are a couple of reasons why.

1. They have difficulty saying no. They could be as we say colloquially, busy as a bee or have a million and one things to do,  just ask and they will spring into action.

2. They have low self worth and lack confidence in themselves. They always need to seek approval or validation from others and this is one way of getting that. People will speak well of them because ‘oh my, he or she is so helpful’.

3. People pleasers fear being rejected and they do not like to be criticised if they fall short in a particular area. So they will be over accommodating to stay in someone’s good books.

4. Persons who are labelled people pleasers will do whatever they’re asked to do in order to avoid conflict. They’d rather just forget about their own feelings, agree with what the other person says and compromise, instead of getting into an argument.

5. And then there are just some people who are overwhelmingly kind. Now kindness is a fruit of the spirit, Galatians 5:22-23, so that’s a good thing. But people pleasers take it to the extreme, doing things for others not just out of empathy, but because they feel obligated to help every one.

Now, this is not about bashing people pleasers as all. Most of them have good intentions. I am speaking from experience and based on some research I’ve done. 

In fact, we had some people pleasers in the Bible. This isn’t anything new.

Let’s start with King Saul - 1 Samuel 15:22-25 MSG “Then Samuel said, Do you think all God wants are sacrifices— empty rituals just for show? He wants you to listen to him! Plain listening is the thing, not staging a lavish religious production. Not doing what God tells you is far worse than fooling around in the occult. Getting self-important around God is far worse than making deals with your dead ancestors. Because you said No to God’s command, he says No to your kingship. Saul gave in and confessed, “I’ve sinned. I’ve trampled roughshod over God’s Word and your instructions. I cared more about pleasing the people. I let them tell me what to do. Oh, absolve me of my sin! Take my hand and lead me to the altar so I can worship God!””

Then there was Aaron who caved in when the people grew restless as they waited on Moses who went to Mount Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments.

Exodus 32:1-6 “When the people realized that Moses was taking forever in coming down off the mountain, they rallied around Aaron and said, “Do something. Make gods for us who will lead us. That Moses, the man who got us out of Egypt—who knows what’s happened to him?” So Aaron told them, “Take off the gold rings from the ears of your wives and sons and daughters and bring them to me.” They all did it; they removed the gold rings from their ears and brought them to Aaron. He took the gold from their hands and cast it in the form of a calf, shaping it with an engraving tool. The people responded with enthusiasm: “These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up from Egypt!” Aaron, taking in the situation, built an altar before the calf. Aaron then announced, “Tomorrow is a feast day to God!” Early the next morning, the people got up and offered Whole-Burnt-Offerings and brought Peace-Offerings. The people sat down to eat and drink and then began to party. It turned into a wild party!”

The Roman governor, Pontius Pilate, was another people pleaser. Mark chapter 15. Pilate knew that Jesus was innocent, but as verse 15 says “Pilate gave the crowd what it wanted, set Barabbas free and turned Jesus over for whipping and crucifixion.”

Finally as another example, we can look at the story of Herod Antipas who ordered the beheading of John the Baptist, just because he didn’t want to look foolish after making a rash promise. 

We go back to Mark, this time chapter 6 and verse  21-29, and we read. Interesting story.

“But a portentous day arrived when Herod threw a birthday party, inviting all the brass and bluebloods in Galilee. Herodias’s daughter entered the banquet hall and danced for the guests. She charmed Herod and the guests. The king said to the girl, “Ask me anything. I’ll give you anything you want.” Carried away, he kept on, “I swear, I’ll split my kingdom with you if you say so!” She went back to her mother and said, “What should I ask for?” “Ask for the head of John the Baptizer.” Excited, she ran back to the king and said, “I want the head of John the Baptizer served up on a platter. And I want it now!” That sobered the king up fast. But unwilling to lose face with his guests, he caved in and let her have her wish. The king sent the executioner off to the prison with orders to bring back John’s head. He went, cut off John’s head, brought it back on a platter, and presented it to the girl, who gave it to her mother. When John’s disciples heard about this, they came and got the body and gave it a decent burial.”

I’m sure there are many other similar instances in the Bible and certainly we can pinpoint several times in our own lives when we have not only been people pleasers, but experienced where it was such a bad idea.

Bear in mind that this is not a condemnation of anyone and their tendencies. Rather, it is a reminder to us that people-pleasing very often leads to exhaustion, sin, stress, and a lack of personal fulfillment, unless it is balanced with self-care and healthy boundaries.

So in all of this Family, I want to drive home the point, that it is always better to seek to please our Creator, God, rather than man. He deserves our best service.

I leave you with some scriptures, and I read from the New International Version NIV:

1. Galatians 1:10 

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

2. Acts 5:29 

“Peter and the other apostles replied: ‘We must obey God rather than human beings!’”

3. Colossians 3:23-24 

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

4. Proverbs 29:25 

“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”

5. 1 Thessalonians 2:4 

“On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.”

6. James 4:4 

“You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”

7. Matthew 6:24 

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.”

And finally #8. Hebrews 12:28 from The Passion Translation: “Since we are receiving our rights to an unshakable kingdom we should be extremely thankful and offer God the purest worship that delights his heart as we lay down our lives in absolute surrender, filled with awe.” 

We are to give God all of us: our worship, our praise, our service, our obedience, our hearts, our time, our trust, and our love.

Let us be God-pleasers, Family. Amen?!

aub - 23 October 2024

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